Our behavior and decision-making in the present are deeply influenced by our past experiences, values, and beliefs. To understand this phenomenon better, we delve into the concept of the Parent ego state, a crucial aspect of transactional analysis. This ego state represents the collection of attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors that we inherit from our parents or other authority figures during our formative years. In this blog post, we will explore the Parent ego state in detail and discuss how it shapes our behavior and decision-making in the present.

Understanding the Parent Ego State

The Parent ego state, as proposed by Eric Berne in his transactional analysis theory, can be divided into two categories: the Nurturing Parent and the Critical Parent.

Nurturing Parent: The Nurturing Parent ego state is the collection of behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs that we inherit from our caregivers, such as parents, grandparents, or other authority figures who provided us with love, care, and support during our childhood. This aspect of our Parent ego state is characterized by kindness, empathy, and the desire to protect and nurture ourselves and others.

Critical Parent: On the other hand, the Critical Parent ego state comprises the set of attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors we inherit from authority figures who were critical, judgmental, or demanding. This aspect of our Parent ego state can manifest as an internalized voice that constantly evaluates and criticizes our actions, leading to self-doubt, guilt, and perfectionism.

How the Parent Ego State Impacts Our Present Behavior

Decision-Making: Our Parent ego state often influences our decision-making process. If our Nurturing Parent was dominant in our upbringing, we may make choices based on compassion and empathy for ourselves and others. Conversely, if our Critical Parent was predominant, we may make decisions driven by fear, self-criticism, or the desire to meet unrealistic standards.

Relationship Dynamics: The Parent ego state can significantly affect our relationships. Those who grew up with a Nurturing Parent may be more supportive and empathetic in their interactions, while those with a dominant Critical Parent may struggle with communication and tend to be overly critical or judgmental.

Emotional Responses: Our emotional responses to various situations are also influenced by our Parent ego state. For example, if our Critical Parent is dominant, we may be quick to feel anger or guilt when faced with challenges or mistakes. In contrast, a dominant Nurturing Parent may lead to a more forgiving and understanding response.

Self-Image: The Parent ego state can shape our self-image and self-esteem. People with a supportive Nurturing Parent may have a more positive self-image, while those with a harsh Critical Parent may struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth.

Breaking Free from Negative Parent Ego States

It's important to recognize that our Parent ego state is not fixed; we can work on modifying it to lead more fulfilling lives. Here are some strategies to help break free from the negative influences of a dominant Critical Parent:

Self-Awareness: Developing self-awareness is the first step in identifying and understanding the dominant aspects of your Parent ego state. Pay attention to your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.

Challenge Negative Beliefs: When you recognize the critical or judgmental voice within you, challenge those negative beliefs. Ask yourself if they are rational and whether they serve your well-being.

Seek Therapy or Counseling: Working with a therapist or counselor can be immensely helpful in addressing and modifying your Parent ego state. They can provide guidance and tools to overcome self-limiting beliefs and behaviors.

Practice Self-Compassion: Cultivate self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and empathy you would offer to a friend. Practice self-care and self-acceptance.


Our Parent ego state, shaped by our past experiences, values, and beliefs, plays a pivotal role in influencing our present behavior and decision-making. Recognizing the dominant aspects of our Parent ego state and actively working to modify them can lead to healthier relationships, improved self-esteem, and more rational decision-making. By understanding and addressing the impact of our Parent ego state, we can take greater control of our lives and create a brighter future for ourselves.